Dancing In The Morgue - Chapter 21

Unholy Child

All human sin seems so much worse in its consequences than in its intentions.

~Reinhold Niebuhr

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

Even though there was a small wooden intricate door between them with a piece of black tissue, so the Priest wouldn't know who was on the other side, he clearly knew that voice. Emily Bronson. He knew it was her and he was smart enough to put the pieces together. He knew she was going to talk about her grandmother's death, but also the child she was carrying. An unholy child.

"What have you done, young soul?"

"I..." She swallowed her own saliva and took a deep breath. She knew Father Stevens knew it was her but she needed to tell someone about what was tormenting her soul. "I have committed the worst sin of all." She said, with a heavy heart. "I have wished for someone's death." She confessed, her face filled with sadness, regret and sickness. She felt sick for having such horrible feelings inside of her. It sickened her that she has actually wished for her grandmother's death, even though it was with the best of intentions. And it also sickened her that she wished the child she was carrying didn't even make it to see the light of day. She didn't want to have that child.

"Well, let us cut to the chase, Emmy, I know what you're talking about." Father Stevens said, causing Emily to sigh in relief. It felt a little better to talk to someone she knew rather than pretend she was talking to a messenger of God. "It is only understandable."

She formed a tiny smile when she heard that. It was relieving, even though it didn't make her feel any less of a horrible bitch that she actually wished for her grandmother's death.

"As a human being, I cannot condemn you for wishing the death of someone who is in such a tremendous amount of pain, like your grandmother was." He calmly said, making Emily feel a little less guilty.

"I'll just have to pray five times a day for a whole week and it'll go away?" She made fun of the situation, as usual. Humor helped her go through the worst moments of her life. When all else fails, a good laugh is the only thing able to brighten anyone's day.

Father Stevens smiled.

"Oh honey, the feeling of guilt will never go away, but it will get easier to deal with it. After all, you had good intentions. You didn't want to see someone you love suffer the way Beth was suffering. Everyone deserves a chance in life, but the Lord doesn't enjoy it when His children are in such a deal of pain."

Emily smiled a little.

"Thank you, Father..."

She sighed. It was now time to tell him about the pregnancy test. She trusted him. He had known her for her entire life and he was a Priest, a man of God, so that made him trust-worthy. In theory, at least.

"What else is tormenting your soul, Emily?" He asked. She knew he was talking about the pregnancy test. She wanted to tell him. But she felt so embarrassed by it. She could barely even form the words.

"I'm pregnant." She simply said, really fast, really low, like she wanted to just say at once and never have to say it out loud ever again.

"Whose child is it?" Father Stevens simply asked, an extraordinary wave of calmness running through his body. Like he's asked that question a thousand times before to a thousand different women.

"It's... it's..." she felt embarrassed. She didn't want to say it was Spencer's. He was an FBI agent. She was a federal crime witness. They were not supposed to have sex. They were not supposed to even have any sort of relationship other than a professional one. However, they did have sex and they were emotionally connected and they were going to have a child.

"It's Spencer's." She said, sighing at the same time. She felt like shit. She has never felt so bad ever before.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend..." Emily said, embarrassed. For Catholics, sex is supposed to serve one purpose only: reproduction. It's not meant for pleasure. And it's meant for married couples only. Married straight couples who wish to reproduce. So she knew having sex for pleasure with someone who she wasn't committed to was a huge sin in the eyes of the Church.

"That is a big sin, Emily." Father said, not to Emily's surprise. "Your punishment will be severe."

She trembled. She wasn't sure what the punishment would be, but all she could think about was Mary Madeleine: the prostitute who was condemned to death for the sin of flesh. She was going to be stoned to death by a raging crowd, hadn't Jesus Christ saved her by saying He who never committed a sin may throw the first stone.

Mary was saved by the love of Jesus, but would Jesus show the same love towards Emily?

"God is kind, Emily. He forgives sins. But only if the sinner regrets them." Father said, grinning. Emily, however, couldn't see his grin through the black tissue that was separating them. "Do you regret it?"

Truth is, she didn't regret it. Not for a second. She regretted the fact that they forgot the condom and that she forgot to take the birth control pill, but she didn't regret making love to Spencer. Not at all. She actually enjoyed every single second of it and she would do it all over again.

She answered honestly, much to Father Stevens displease. She didn't expect him to understand the pleasures of sex. Catholic priests are supposed to keep their virginity their entire lives.

"You shall not be forgiven until you regret your sins, my child. That's how it works."

Having heard this, Emily felt disgust. Not only for herself but she kind of felt like her religion wasn't exactly fair or open-minded. So she left the church and went back to her place. She took her tank top off and placed herself in front of the mirror, looking at her stomach. Soon, it would be all huge and swollen. Unless she did something about it. The other thing Father Stevens would condemn. She didn't exactly like the idea, either, but it was for the best. She couldn't raise a child on her own, with such a shitty job. She didn't want Spencer to lose his job over her lack of responsibility either. She had to put an end to it and hopefully move on like nothing ever happened.

And she would have to eventually learn to regret her feelings towards Spencer Reid.



"How do you analyze a shrink?" Morgan asked, turning to Reid, like he was the source of all knowledge. Which he was, kind of.

"I have a BA in Psychology, so technically, I'm also a shrink." Reid said, causing Derek to look at him with a furrowed brow. Morgan was sometimes afraid of Reid's mind. Reid was afraid of his own mind, too. Having such a high IQ can be pretty frightening, especially for someone as tormented as Doctor Reid.

"I just wanna know who the killer is, and arrest him and get the hell out of here!" JJ sighed. "This town gives me the creeps."

"Well, there's crime rate pretty much everywhere, there isn't a one-hundred percent safe city anywhere in the world. Unless it's deserted." Reid said, not realizing he was scaring JJ. He glanced up at her and saw fear and confusion on her big blue eyes. Mostly confusion. But also some fear, knowing literally nowhere was safe. "Well, anywhere where there's people..." He tried to make her feel better, but failed miserably.

"Just quit it, Reid, you're just not good at making people feel better with your mouth open." Garcia said, making everyone giggle, except for Reid. His IQ apparently didn't get ironic jokes.

"So I'm good at making people feel better with my mouth closed?" He was genuinely confused.

"Okay, people, what do we have on the psychologists?" Rossi said, not pleased with the fact that he had to stop the play and make everyone focus on work. But unfortunately, it was his job.

"Well, two of the victims didn't even see a shrink and the ones who did had different doctors." Prentiss said, clearly unhappy, since it was the hundredth time they thought they had a suspect and ended up having nothing.

"We've been doing this for too long." Morgan said, visibly sad and somewhat angry. "We've been here for over a month and we've got nothing!"

"We can't let more women get killer, Morgan." Prentiss said, disagreeing with his idea of just quitting the case and getting back to Quantico to solve other cases.

In one thing, Morgan was right: it lasted for too long. While they were in New Jersey trying to solve an unsolvable case, a lot of people were getting murdered some place else, because the BAU can't be several places at once.

"It's not the shrink." Reid said, causing everyone to suddenly look at him.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious!" Morgan said, ironically and rougher than his usual jokes.

"Think of a person who always knows everything these catholic women do, all the sins they have committed." He started explaining. "Now think of someone who represents the idea that sex is wrong unless it's meant for reproduction. Especially sex outside of marriage."

All the other BAU members started putting the pieces together. It made perfect sense. It fits the profile, in a very twisted sick way. But it does.